My Story - Part 4

my story 4

So I was kind of hoping there wouldn’t be a Part 4 but my Mum tells me I can’t leave everyone hanging, so here goes.

Total bonus with this surgery was no bowel prep! Seriously that stuff is so awful!! If you’ve had it before I hope you never have to have it again and if you’ve never had it then count yourself lucky, it’s like self induced gastro, no fun AT ALL

I went to hospital Thursday morning at 6:30am, first on the list woohoo! I only cried briefly when I first got there but made it through all my pre op questions without crying, I was actually ok this time, I tried not to think about what could go wrong. My husband and Mum were with me the whole time, right up until just before they put me to sleep. Mum knows most of the staff so they let them come with me, it was awesome! It can be scary being wheeled off on your own to the cold theatre room so it was really nice seeing familiar faces and it calmed me down a lot. As usual my veins were hiding so the anesthetist couldn’t give me the sleep juice, instead I had to have the gas, YUK!!! It tastes horrible and it’s not a nice feeling at all, unless you like feeling completely out of control then you might love it, but not me. Luckily I fell asleep pretty quickly.

Falling asleep and waking up are always the worst parts for me, it takes me such a long time to wake up from the anesthetic, I fight so hard but can’t quite manage to stay awake, it’s super frustrating! I also woke up shaking a lot, I think it’s the shock but it might be the freezing cold theatre room, why is it always so cold in there? I was only in theatre for about an hour and a half, then in recovery for about an hour, then up to the ward.

When I got up to the ward I looked around for my husband and Mum but they weren’t there which was really weird. What felt like an hour went by and they still weren’t there so I asked the nurse “where are my family?”

Nurse “who are you expecting”
Me “my husband and Mum”
Nurse “oh…. how long have you been married?”
Me ” nearly four years”
Nurse “[long pause] how old are you?
Me “28 but I’ve been told I look 16”

Every time I go to hospital the staff think I’m a teenager! I have no idea why, I didn’t think I looked that young but apparently I do, everyone must think my husband is a weirdo thirty something year old married to a teenager… Haha!

Turns out the hospital forgot to call my husband so they thought I was still in theatre! Oops! It took me a fair while to wake up but when I eventually did I felt pretty good, very sore and tired and full of pin pricks where they were trying to find a vein, but not too bad. I was hooked up to pain killers but they came down after 24 hours as I felt like I was on a boat, not fun when you’re already nauseous. The nurse didn’t want to take it down without consulting the pain team but I whined enough that it was taken down and the pain team didn’t care, so bonus.

The doctors came to see me every morning and the first question was always “any bowel movement?” I wasn’t allowed to go home until there was so I was asked by nurses and doctors all day every day. I finally got to say ‘yes’ when the doctor asked and he clapped!

I was in hospital for 8 nights, once again all the staff were fantastic and I was well looked after. It’s been three weeks since surgery and things are going well. I no longer have a stoma which is an adjustment as I had it for twelve months, it’s a good adjustment but it feels kind of strange now not having it. I’m cautiously optimistic that this is the end of it all, and that’s all I’ll say because I don’t want to jinx myself.

It was my sisters hens party last weekend and I couldn’t go because I wasn’t feeling up to it, I was so sad I couldn’t be there. My sister is one of the most caring, supportive and understanding people I know so she didn’t mind that I couldn’t make it. Me on the other hand, well I was really upset and frustrated. Endometriosis has taken so much away from me over the past twelve months and this was just the icing on the cake. I was flip-flopping all day about whether I should go but I really didn’t want to hinder my recovery, so I decided at the last minute I wouldn’t go. I came home and cried, wallowed in self pity for an hour and then pulled myself together, at least I’ll be at the wedding which is only a month away.

Endometriosis has taken a lot away from me, but I have to admit this experience hasn’t been all bad. I’m so much closer with my Mum now than I’ve been in years, I have a lot of respect for her and what she does as a nurse every day. I’m an accountant and sometimes I feel like what I do is so pointless compared to people like my Mum who are doing such worthwhile work. I also know how truly lucky I am to have married my husband, not once through this experience has he made me feel ugly or unattractive, and having a colostomy bag attached to my stomach 24/7 I felt extremely unattractive, my stomach is an absolute mess of scars but it’s like he doesn’t even see them. Many of my friends and ex colleagues have reached out to me and sent me beautiful messages of support, I feel so lucky to have such an amazing network around me. If you’ve sent me a message or given me an extra hug then I want to say thank you, if this experience has taught me anything it’s not to take life for granted and to spend as much time with the people you love as possible.

Also I don’t think I would have ever started this blog, I’ve always read blogs and love them but I never really considered starting my own, it sounds very cliché but I didn’t want to spend my life just working to pay the bills and not doing something I feel passionate about, and I’m very passionate about living a healthy low tox life.

I hope you have a great weekend spending time with friends and family.

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