There are a couple of strange things that happened as a result of my health issues, one of them was that I felt really determined to leave a legacy. It sounds very macabre but when I was really sick one of the things I thought was that I haven’t left a mark on the world and I won’t be remembered.
After that I felt such a passion to be an influencer, encouraging change in the lives of my families, friends and strangers. I feel super happy with what I’ve started and I feel so humbled when complete strangers message me and tell me they’ve been inspired by something I’ve written and are making changes to their own families lives. I feel like the low tox web is weaving around the community and I LOVE it.
I’ve been having flashbacks to my time in hospital lately. I’m not really sure why, I must be worried about something but I’m not quite sure what it is. I had such a great appointment with my amazing naturopath the other night which really got me thinking. I slipped back into some bad eating habits while we had no kitchen, and she made me realise that I was eating similarly to how I was eating while I was between surgeries. That’s a whole other story but when I had a stoma I was advised to eat lots of bread and pasta, and chocolate! I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be a critical thinker so I just accepted that advice and ate badly, I’d also lost a lot of weight while I was in hospital so I was happy to put some weight back on (hello Nutella doughnuts!)
I had always intended to start eating well again once all the surgeries were over and I’ve definitely been doing A LOT better but still not 100%. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world, I was back to feeling myself, no more stoma bag (woohoo!) I starting to make some great progress with improving my gut health and then I go and sabotage myself by eating some not so great food.
I’ve been feeling a little bit out of sorts lately. When I was in hospital I was literally being looked after 24/7, then I came home and my husband took time off to look after me, I had nurses coming to see me every day at home. My Mum would come and see me every day and we became very close again… and now I’ve just gone back to normal life.
Normal life looking through different coloured glasses as I’m super happy to be here and I’ve really learnt not to sweat the small stuff, but still there’s a part of me that thinks, is this it? I’ve never been very comfortable with the idea of life being about earning money, working full times jobs and coming home to spend a few hours with our family or partner and then going to bed just to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.
I was a terrible student at school, I questioned everything we did and absolutely refused to do homework because I believed school was time to work and after school we should be free to do what we want. Luckily my parents agreed with me and never pressured me to do my homework. I think I’ve carried that same mentality with me my whole life and the idea of spending so much time working in jobs we don’t necessarily love to earn money, it kind of bums me out.
I’m so happy to have started writing and to have you guys as part of my low tox community. I drafted this post a couple of weeks ago and since then I’ve started a Facebook group full of lovely supportive people, I’ll be honest and say I was a bit worried it might just be me and my sister in there but it’s us and about 70 others, and so far I’m really loving the supportive community we’ve created.
I’m reading ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael Singer at the moment (I’ve been reading it for a while now but I have to read it in small chunks to digest what I’ve learnt) and in it he pretty much says life it what you make it, you decide whether you enjoy your job and how you feel about getting out of bed every day. I’m really trying to make that a reality and having you guys to write to sure makes it a lot easier.